The Birds & the Bikers
by Kal-El Fornia
Summary: When Gemma catches a thirteen year old Jax during his "alone time", Clay is sent to go have "the talk" with his stepson. It's just as awkward as it sounds.


I've been a fan of Sons of Anarchy for years, though there are a few things in the show that can kind of annoy me at times, and I figured that it might be time to write a short one-shot about it. One of my favorite things to write are things that deal with family, and the thought randomly came into my head about Clay having "the talk" with a thirteen year old Jax.

Light humor compared to stuff in my other fandoms.

Disclaimer: Out of tradition, don't own Sons of Anarchy.

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When he had married Gemma he had expected a lot of crazy shit, a good amount of confusion as well, hell that was probably one of the things that had always fascinated Clay about his wife, but when he had made his vows to treat her as good as his leather and to ride her as much as his Harley, he never thought that one of the things she would force him to do was talk to Jax about sex. Personally, Clay would have been fine with just letting his thirteen year old son be since even though nobody in the world ever felt comfortable admitting it, every thirteen year old boy knew a little something about the beast with two backs, even if it was just through porn. Shit, porn is what got him into this mess in the first place, Clay mused as he stood right outside of Jax's room simply staring at the doorknob, considering that the reason Gemma was currently putting him up to this was because she had caught Jax during his 'alone time' with a playboy that he had apparently gotten from Opie.

He breathed in, stalling because Clay knew that eventually he had to go inside. He had killed men all over the world in his tenure as an American soldier, he had slain Mayans and other enemies on American soil to defend the Reaper and to send his rivals to meet Mister Mayhem, he was the leader of the Sons of Anarchy and one of its proud founding members, Clay was a complete unadulterated badass, but he was a total wuss when it came to what Gemma currently wanted him to do. He closed his eyes and rubbed his face for a second, before knocking on Jax's door all things considered, and then he took one final deep breath as he made his way inside his son's room.

Jax was reading a book, and as soon as Clay closed the door behind him, the two of them met eyes and stared at one another. To say that there was tension would have been an understatement, and Clay was the first one to look away as he rubbed the back of his neck in nervousness. Honestly, he would have much rather been out in another street war fighting for his life than where he currently was. At least being shot meant that he didn't have to talk to his son about jacking off.

Jax also looked away after Clay did, and closed his book since he figured that his stepfather wasn't going to leave any time soon, "Is there something you need, Clay?"

"Shit," Clay said to no one in particular when he realized that there was no more stalling the upcoming conversation. He sighed, the awkwardness weighing heavier on his shoulders than his time in the military did, and he made his way over to Jax's bed where the kid had been reading, and sat at the edge of it. He waited until Jax sat up and right beside him before he answered his son, "your mother wanted me to talk to you."

Jax was quiet for a moment, going over all the different things he could have said to Clay, before he took a few seconds to crack his fingers as a small sort of distraction, and only then replied, "She told you about that?"

Not seeing the need to delve into what Gemma had caught Jax doing since that was just going to be embarrassing for everyone involved, Clay only nodded twice. "Yeah."

"Am I punished?" Jax asked, it seeming like Clay didn't want to be there just as much as he didn't.

"I'm the one being punished," Clay muttered under his breath, sort of wishing that he totally hadn't of murdered John so that J.T. could be the one in the current hot seat instead of him. Perhaps this was karma for what had happened, he theorized, or perhaps the Big Guy Upstairs just liked to dick around with His cosmic playthings. Clay had never been one to pay much attention in church whenever he had been dragged to a Christmas or Easter service as a teenager, but he did remember hearing about some Job guy, or it could have been Gob to be honest since he never really kept up with his Bible trivia, but the thing that he did remember from the story was that Job was royally screwed over.

"What?"

Clay waved it off, none of that being anything that he could say to Jax. "No, you're not being punished. Your mom just wants me to talk to you about what you were doing. Man to man."

Jax nodded but looked away, deciding not to say anything.

"When a man and a woman love each other," Clay began, dreading where the conversation was going.

"They don't have to love each other," Jax interrupted, never being one to listen to bullshit.

Clay paused, gears turning in his head as he saw an opening to get out due to the fact that Jax had always been smarter than the average kid. Perhaps he was smarter in this as well. "Do you know about sex?"

Jax's eyes widened in horror. "Dude!"

"Just answer the fucking question," Clay exhaustively demanded, knowing that he was just as uncomfortable as his son was.

The young thirteen year old felt himself becoming queasy, never wanting to ever hear Clay utter the word 'sex' again. "Yeah, I know what it is."

Seeing that as his ticket out, Clay practically dashed out of Jax's room. "Okay then, good talk!"

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So yeah, all of that is totally canon. Lmao, happy Halloween folks. Hopefully, this is just the first of more Sons of Anarchy one-shots that I'll crank out. I did have an idea for a Sons of Anarchy/Breaking Bad crossover where Heisenberg takes on SAMCRO.


End file.
